I know that’s not the picture of a cat, but I couldn’t find a royalty free scowl that was that representative of my state of mind, so you’ll have to deal with the owl.
I’m a level-headed, reasonable, logical person who is guided by facts and facts alone. So you might wonder how come I’m starting to get affected by the covid quarantine 2 months after it ended.
Well, because f*ck logic. Nothing makes sense anymore.
The truth is, when this all started, I was ready for a harsh, temporary reality. I think temporary is key here. It ended up being 3 months instead of 3 weeks, but still, I could deal. Now that quarantine is over, get togethers are still not happening, weddings keep getting postponed, hugs, kisses and dancing are all banned – seriously, dance floors were forbidden in bars and discotheques, it’s modern day Footloose up in here – and I’m still working from home. Alone. In my living room. Looking at the same walls day after day. No prospect of when we’ll come back to the office or when my next shower is going to be.
My fiancé has returned to his office. All of his coworkers are there. They go out to lunch everyday. Because there’s enough room in their office for social distancing, and there’s not in the massive company I work at – and I think my company is doing the right thing by the way, but that doesn’t mean I’m any less jealous.
Every time I make a zoom call with any of my coworkers I can tell they miss the social contact as well. We end up talking about other stuff, having heart to hearts. This is a strange reality and it’s starting to get to me because it wasn’t supposed to last this long. I don’t know if I should power through just a bit longer or actually learn to live in this state because it’ll be our new reality. Like, will we never greet people with kisses on the cheek ever again? Should I set up a corner in my house to work – because I’ll be working from home more often than at the office? I don’t want to learn these things if it’s not a permanent situation. I’m 30 – I’m done learning how to live.
And just to prove to you that I’m not giving into hysterics, I know this is not the end of the world. We will come out of this. Humanity will not be wiped out by this virus – with a crude mortality rate of 3%-4%, covid could never. I mean, the 14th century Bubonic Plague is feeling offended. Like when Bieber was compared to Michael Jackson. So this is inherently a transient situation – but being transient for 5 years is different from 5 months. And the uncertainty is messing with me.
I’m not saying we can’t or won’t be wiped out, by the way. There are nuclear disasters, global warming, mosquitoes – all lined up to bestow impending doom on the human race – it’s just not covid.
To wrap up this “feel good” post, I’m ending with the definite acknowledgement that quarantine finally got to me – I feel tired and heavier (literally – I gained weight during this time). It’s over, but it’s not really over. Some go back to the office, some don’t. My post graduate program will have classes online for 50% of students, and on site for the other 50%. We can go shopping, but we can’t hug a friend. We can go to out to dinner, but we can’t dance. If I ever had problems grasping the concept of Schrödinger’s Cat being dead and alive at the same time, I don’t anymore.