An ugly sneaker, by any other name, is still ugly.

I feel like ranting, so indulge me.

I’ve been in Farfetch’s website lately to take advantage of their 30% extra of sale items, and obviously, I’ve browsed the shoe section. Since I tend to remove sneakers from my page – I always filter for mid and high heels – I had the hope feeling that the ugly shoe trend might be gone by now. I mean, it’s been a year.

How naive of me.

They’re now part of “permanent collection”s.

Throughout fashion’s history there have been some questionable trends. At first they shock you, like someone banging aggressively on your door. You look through the peephole, you open the door slightly, without removing the chain lock thingy, just to check them out, with no intention of letting them in. By the end of the season they’re hanging out in your closet like they pay rent. Except you paid for them. That’s nothing new and who hasn’t looked back at old photos of themselves and thought “what the hell was I thinking” can cast the first stone.

However, the ugly sneaker is such an universally considered unaesthetic piece that’s actually called the. ugly. sneaker. It’s in the effing name. I’ve seen a few rebrandings. Chunky sneaker. XL sneaker. The inoffensive sounding Dad sneaker.

Dad sneaker my ass. My dad wouldn’t be caught dead in something so ugly.

What makes this trend stand out to me against all other dubious looking fashion movements is how popular it is. It’s so popular that the trend is bleeding into sandals now. Crocs 2.0.

And whenever I see people wearing them it’s always a designer brand, clearly expensive. No one’s buying the cheaper knock-offs. I feel this is one of those things where it’s not the design of the piece that make it’s desirable, but the perception of wealth of who wears them. Like when I was a kid and braces became popular. People paid a lot of money for that metallic smile.

That’s what this is. Feet braces.

Though these never really got out of fashion, did they? Socks with rubber sandals is a staple in our Algarve’s typical tourist

Nevertheless, there are a bunch of articles and youtube videos giving you a guide of how to wear them, and – my god – why they’re a good investment. People, this isn’t one of those timeless pieces. This is one of those that you’re gonna have trouble justifying to a younger generation a few years from now when it becomes absurd again. I hope.

Now, before I offend someone who might be reading this and actually likes/owns one of these, please realize that I know I have absolutely no authority or moral high ground to tell anyone what’s pretty or fashionable or worth the investment, first and foremost because everybody does whatever they want with their money and their style, fashion is fun and transient, I’m for self expression above all and my taste would probably be called into question if I took a popularity pool on these yellow pants (love those pants).

Bedazzled Shrek sneakers.

But goddamn, these are f*cking ugly.

4 thoughts on “An ugly sneaker, by any other name, is still ugly.

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